Lucky Lil Bastard.. NOT

It has been a while since I have updated the posting.  But as you all know, March Madness and prostitution does take your undivided attention.  Now that the prostitutes are paid and the brackets have been submitted, I have some bitching to do. 

You know what grinds my fucking gears???  The fact that I tend to be at the exact location of all hell breaking loose.   Lets take a look back to the April 1999.  I had just moved to Colorado to live the high life.  Well the next thing I know, Columbine High School happens about 10 min. from my work.  Now lets jump forward a couple years to 2001, after I had moved to NYC.  Yeah… You fucking guessed it.  9/11!!!!  The city goes into chaos!  I witnessed most of the shit from my office.  A few years later (like I need to proceed after that one) I am on my way to the airport when we experience one of the largest black outs in this country’s history and I am stuck in the sweltering heat for almost a week with out power!  Ahhhh yes.. for normal people, that would be the peak amount of catastrophe in ones life…  But not for FUCKING H Train… No…  About a year after the black out, I am walking down Madison Ave for a post dinner walk with a friend.  Next thing I know, I am hearing gun shots and falling to the ground covering my head.  Seems that about a half a block away, across the street, a guy has a need to shoot his ex-girlfriend and her new beau.  Later this was known as the Madison Ave Murders.

Now we are in present day NYC.  I agreed to do some dog sitting for a friend.  So, there I am walking this dog through central park, trying to see if this dog is truly a chic magnet.  (come to find out, he is)  So I decide it was time to go home, but I wanted to take the dog the long way home, so that I could check out a couple of the bars I frequent.  As we past the bars and I see they are packed with St Pat’s Day celebration, I continue down 2nd Ave.   As I reach 49th St, I start to hear what I think is a loud truck.  I look back and then something catches my attention… A HUGE FUCKING CRANE falling!  Yeah.. a 20 fucking story crane has broken loose from a building on 51st St and 2nd Ave and is falling due south… toward ME!  The crane is basically cutting pieces of other buildings right off.  Well before I know it the dog is freaking out cause of the noise and takes off running.  (dragging me behind him)  All this being said, I was in no danger (unlike some others, sad to say). 

Moral of the story..  Lil people are not as lucky as one once thought!!!!!  And heads up if I move into a city near you!!!!!! 

Peace and Chicken Grease.. H Train         

Lacking Skills

You know what really grinds my gears..  The fact that pretty much anyone over the fucking age of 16 can get a drivers license.  This tornado of anger has been building for years and finally burst, like Paul Rueben (Pee Wee) in an adult peep show, when I was hit by a fucking cab the other day.  Yeah,  you heard me right!  Hedge is walking down the street, and the next thing he knows he is moving in a different direction while laying on the hood of a fucking yellow car.  So there I am, about 10 feet from my original walking path.  Once the dumb fuck realizes I am not his hood ornament he slams on the breaks.  I, with my ninja skills, fly off the hood and was able to stay on my feet.  (I was extremly impressed with my cat like reflexis)  So there I am in a staring contest with the cab driver.  Mind you, he doesn’t even get out of the fucking cab.  I proceed to walk over to the driver side door and tap on the window and gave him the motion to roll down the window.  He looked like he just pissed himself.  I guess I would have pissed myself too if I hit a oompa loompa.  So there I am yelling at this guy and he doesn’t know what to do.  Once I realize I am fine, and have used the word fuck in every possible manner, I turn and proceed on to work.  Moral of the story..  If everyone carried a gun, these things wouldn’t happen so often!

H-Train..